An ongoing collection of the writings of Nick Benson.

 

And I Put Mud On Your Sole

Here's how I view the deal:
Nobody can see eye to eye.
We've all been impacted, changed;
Not even one is the same.
If I took a walk in your shoes
You'd hate me for stepping in the mud.
If I saw life through your eyes
You'd yell at me for looking directly into the sun.
But our differences give life that certain spice.
And still we're ignorant of each other.
Ignorant even of our own beliefs.
We can't face up to what's in our hearts,
So we adopt someone else's thoughts
And live this lie like it's our own.
You can't get mad at me for stepping in the mud
Because they're not your shoes anyway.
You left your own somewhere back in the past,
And now they lie with your youthful dreams,
Somewhere behind you.
But all you have to do is believe.
I know it's hard, you're out of practice.
But I did it today and can tell you honestly
That it isn't as hard as you think.
You want to believe, but you hide
So you won't have to believe what's in your heart.
I urge you to look behind and take them back.
They've been following you all your life
As if they had a mind of their own,
And they do; it's your mind they have,
Nobody else's.
Throw away those tattered things you call dreams
And slip back into the magnificence of your youth.
Now you can see it all again:
The beauty in the world, the hope that lies ahead.
It does get better, you just have to realize it.
All the garbage will still be there, and you can't ignore it,
But you can look beyond it,
Make it a small matter, sitting in the back of your mind
As you enjoy what you do in everything you do.
I know I will.
Join me and you'll see what I mean.
Now the deal has changed.
Now we see eye to eye.

Enjoy your revolutions.
I was inspired on Friday, September 27, 2002

 

Fifteen Years and Three Jobs Later

Fifteen years and three jobs later I look back at my life.
I'm not depressed at what I see, but I am deeply saddened.
At every turn, another mistake, a blunder at every corner.
But hope comes through and all is well as I look back and remember.
Not everything was a total disaster, not everything went wrong.
There are times I can look back on and smile.
The times I spent with my friends, countless hours of nothing
But nothing can be everything when nothing is my something.

You cock your head and blink your eyes and think
"What the heck is he saying?"
But look inside and you too can spot it there,
When friendship is based not on who or where,
But contentness with just being
Hanging out, sitting around, making jokes,
Wasting days, countless hours, money thrown away.
"But what could be better?" is all I have to say.

So when we look back, fifteen years and three jobs down the road,
We all can chuckle and reminisce at the days gone by.
When we see each other in the streets, we will laugh at the fun we had
And not cry at the blunders we made.
For everything is relative, and relatives can be everthing
But a friend is more than a relative, and more than anything.
I won't forget you as the years go by, as some memories fade.
For how could I forget the guys who I shared so much with,
Lived so long with, moved on through life with, grew up so quickly with?
So if you move away, distance cannot part us,
If you move on, new experiences won't deny us.
But if you forget, then time can truly destroy us.
Don't forget; but don't remember for me,
Remeber for the guys you ate with, sat with,
Joked with, learned with, became men with.
For it is them that deserve to be in your memories.
I know you will always be in mine.

I was inspired on Thursday, September 26, 2002

 

A Sigh of Relief

What comes as a surprise is
The fact that all is well.
It turned out better than I thought it would
And now I have a story to tell.
Even if you think you're wrong
You could be right on target.
So all you have to do
Is get out there and try it.
I was inspired on Monday, September 23, 2002

 

I Regret...

...spending so much money in Catalina.
...going on my roadtrip to Northern California.
...choosing Cal Poly Pomona over USC.
...being so trusting.
...wrecking my Karmann Ghia.
...not going to my Senior Prom.
...quitting the swim team.
...buying my Karmann Ghia.
...most of the things I did with Sarah.
...neglecting my friends.
...falling in love with Sarah.
...slacking off in water polo.
...not sticking to my convictions.
...slacking off in high school.
...procrastinating all the time.
...believing everything would turn out alright.
...lying all the time.
...trying to do it myself.
...waiting for other to do it for me.
...making this list and realizing how much I've screwed up my life.

Let me now leave and mourn for the loss of my optimism.
I was inspired on Monday, September 23, 2002

 

This One's For Krystle

Pretty flowers, tweeting birds,
Everything is beautiful today.
I love myself, I love everyone else,
None of the clouds in the sky are gray.
We have no problems, no struggles to speak of,
It's all fine and dandy down here,
So we can sing and dance all day,
But sue me and you'll soon pay.

La-ti-FRIGGIN'-da
I was inspired on Wednesday, September 18, 2002

 

A Thoughtless Act
Of Suicide

Caught in a moment, caught in a flash:
Frozen again, going back again.
I breathe, I scream,
But only to myself.
I can't reach out to stop the pain,
And nobody knows I'm drowning.
You can't see it in me, I can't see it in myself.
But it's there, and I have to fight it.
How many times must I die inside?
How many long days before I realize
I'm killing myself from within?
My own actions endanger me,
My own hands constrict around my throat,
The one that drives the knife into my back
Is none other than myself.
But who's to stop me? But who's to know?
I dare not reveal the pain inside to you.
I dare not reveal it to Him.
For all pass judgement, though all are judged.
And I think of Him and weep.
And I give up, give in, give all to Him.
His love takes me out, loosens my grip, sheathes the knife.
But I return to it.
And I turn to him.
No matter how many times I spit on His Love, He is there.
No matter how many times I spit on His Love, I weep.
And now I turn for the last time.
This time I will not return to it!
And He will lift me up.
And I will have no need to be caught,
Frozen,
To scream,
To feel the pain.
It ends here! It ends NOW!
And I look in your eyes for acceptance.
Do you accept me?
I was inspired on Monday, September 16, 2002

 

Welcome

Sorry, Mike, but I needed a place for myself. Here is where my artistic side will be displayed. I'm not claiming it will be updated often, because I get inspiration only a few times a week. Some times I can have quite a dry spell. Eventually this thing will look as spiffy as Mike's, but just not yet. I'll still be posting at What Was I Thinking? on a regular basis. Don't check up on me too often. I'll comment on updates at Mike's blog and Remember The Waltons, so I'd suggest you just enjoy those for now

But, hey, what do I know?
I was inspired on Monday, September 16, 2002