A Thoughtless Act
Of Suicide
Caught in a moment, caught in a flash:
Frozen again, going back again.
I breathe, I scream,
But only to myself.
I can't reach out to stop the pain,
And nobody knows I'm drowning.
You can't see it in me, I can't see it in myself.
But it's there, and I have to fight it.
How many times must I die inside?
How many long days before I realize
I'm killing myself from within?
My own actions endanger me,
My own hands constrict around my throat,
The one that drives the knife into my back
Is none other than myself.
But who's to stop me? But who's to know?
I dare not reveal the pain inside to you.
I dare not reveal it to Him.
For all pass judgement, though all are judged.
And I think of Him and weep.
And I give up, give in, give all to Him.
His love takes me out, loosens my grip, sheathes the knife.
But I return to it.
And I turn to him.
No matter how many times I spit on His Love, He is there.
No matter how many times I spit on His Love, I weep.
And now I turn for the last time.
This time I
will not return to it!
And He will lift me up.
And I will have no need to be caught,
Frozen,
To scream,
To feel the pain.
It ends here! It ends NOW!
And I look in your eyes for acceptance.
Do you accept me?
I was inspired on Monday, September 16, 2002
